


My Demise, My Healing

by chowoozeus



Category: UNIQ (Band), UP10TION, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boys In Love, Crushes, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rating May Change, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26702623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chowoozeus/pseuds/chowoozeus
Summary: It was a whirlwind of emotions and then there was nothing. Or perhaps, they tried to still make something out of that nothingness.Pre/Post X1 AU on how it all began, how it ended, and how they try to make it work.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Kim Wooseok | Wooshin, Han Seungwoo/Kim Wooseok | Wooshin, Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Lee Jinhyuk
Kudos: 16





	My Demise, My Healing

一 How it all began that spring of 2019

The fourth floor of the Produce X 101 building holds many secrets - unfilmed moments of trainees who cry their eyes out at the fear of being eliminated or unairable instances where they curse the hell out of the shithole they're in to let off steam, where snacks are shared among friends and groupmates who had separate stomachs for Home Run balls and Choco Pie, where boys talk about boy stuff, and where hearts are broken too many times.

You won't get caught by the cameras, no microphones attached to them to catch every word they say, and no bossy staff to pressure them to do better. They also learned from their seniors that there's a usual battery change and footage check around ten in the evening where most trainees are in their practice rooms. With their parade of pathetic excuses like a change out of their sweaty clothes, taking a leak, resting their eyes for a bit, the trainees are free for at least an hour, if they're lucky.

Seungyoun knows this from his arsenal of friends and survival show friends-turned-idols. A social butterfly like him wouldn't have any problem asking the ins-and-outs of clown shows like this one he's on.

One such day where they were free for some time, he heads to the bathroom on the fourth floor. He likes going up there to clear his head, he had just finished writing his rap part for 《Yes or No》. Losing the main rapper part to Dohyon was nothing - the kid was a genius, no question, he had two team members who are vocals and his temperament and patience could only go so far as to helping them- this is a competition after all.

Seungyoun forgets that the fourth floor bathroom corridor is also a home to broken hearts and he stumbles upon such instance by accident.

He sees Kim Wooseok glued to the wall, his face gorgeous (Seungyoun can't deny that) but expressionless. He's also been staring at the floor like a kid reprimanded for stealing candy. Only this time, he stole a heart.

"Hurry up and tell me, my teammates are probably wondering where I am now," Wooseok orders, no, there's no authority in his voice, he's almost pleading. "What was so important that you dragged me here anyways?" 

Seungyoun knows he's eavesdropping, he's not usually one to listen to other's conversations but they are blocking the bathroom corridor and Seungyoun can only hide so much behind a wall. He needed to take a leak now but weirdly enough, he also wanted to know who Wooseok is talking to. 

"I-I like you, Wooseok-ah." 

Ah.

Seungwoo.

He knows Seungwoo's voice well. How it resonates, how controlled and soothing it is, but he's never heard it this small and powerless. Seungyoun takes a better look and he swears Seungwoo looked tinier at that moment, he was all shy with his hand scratching the back of his head.

A second of wave of surprise hits Seungyoun.

_Seungwoo likes Wooseok?_

____

____

Seungyoun definitely thinks he has to look for another bathroom stall right now and he turns on his feet.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

Seungyoun stops.

Oh. 

His curiosity is now peaked but he doesn't know if he wants to hear the answer to that.

Seungyoun thinks.

Seungwoo and Wooseok. They debuted already. Much like Seungyoun, they wanted a second shot at recognition. They were trained together at Class A for the theme song mission. They look close in the practice room, perhaps they both share a streak of desperation when it comes to this show. But Seungyoun is surprised at the fact that Seungwoo looks at Wooseok like that.

Seungyoun waits for an answer.

A breath hitches.

"Thank you, Seungwoo-hyung, for feeling that way about me. I will have to decline you. I'm heading back down now."

Seungyoun races down the stairs as he heard footsteps towards him, finds the closest bathroom on the lower floor and finishes his business.

He hears noise in the hallway. The others are probably going somewhere. He washes his hands and his face as well. He can't believe what he just heard. Seungwoo-hyung was turned down by Wooseok. And Wooseok did it so easily. Like, did he even pause for a moment and thought about Seungwoo's feelings?

He heads to the practice room and spots his teammates sprawled on the floor. He knows they're exhausted too. Writing lyrics and reviewing the flow is a mentally taxing thing - Seungyoun knows from experience. 

He looks at his younger teammates, they probably won't function properly if they rehearsed from the top. 

"How about we come back in 4 hours? Get some sleep and we'll meet here again around 2 or 3 in the morning?" Seungyoun suggests. 

Even bright Dohyon is too tired to say more but he blurts out a "thank you, hyung" when he nears the door.

_Should I rest my eyes too?_

__

__

Seungyoun had no energy to go back to their room, so he lies down the wooden floor. Hoodie over his head as he turns to the wall. If a staff comes in, he'll just let them know that his teammates will practice in the morning and will stay up later (no, they won't) the next day.

He thinks of what he witnessed earlier.

Confessions.

They scare Seungyoun.

Either acceptance or rejection is scary. It's uncharted waters for Seungyoun. 

He thinks of Seungwoo. Seungwoo-hyung who always seem so reliant and kind. He's a big brother to everyone. Even though Seungyoun is the senior between the two of them, Seungyoun thinks he can rely on Seungwoo when the time comes. He's also very talented. He's rising through the ranks incredibly fast and his recent adoption program involving Dongpyo caught a lot of attention. He can't deny that the older is really caring towards the other contestants. He has such a good heart and if he asked Wooseok out, Seungyoun thinks Seungwoo thought about it for a good amount of time.

On the other hand, Wooseok is ... almost untouchable, or at least to Seungyoun. He's the trainee to look out for. He was a candidate for the show's center, center to their now-viral Love Shot stage, and he heard through a little bird named Sejin that Wooseok is also the center for 《To My Youth》. They're both the same age, had a few bump-ins in the last few years, having also been university departmentmates which surprised Seungyoun when he heard about it.

But Wooseok always seemed so far beyond everybody's reach.

He's also an all-rounder, Seungyoun thinks, Wooseok can do everything. He even has the idol visuals for it. Seungyoun can't deny that he is attracted to Wooseok. He IS beautiful AND talented. Seungyoun wonders why Wooseok never made it big at this point. They probably share the common reason of having shitty companies or whatever.

They trained together at Class B before Wooseok's promotion to A and they were teammates during the previous mission. He was friendly. Yes, he is. Or at least for the camera? Seungyoun recalls. He never really got close with Wooseok outside the practice rooms. Or they never tried to get close. 

There's like a fire in Wooseok's eyes.

Like he should try and win this.

No, he has to win this. 

Seungyoun sees that as the only possible reason why he declined Seungwoo.

Wooseok didn't want a distraction until he wins this.

And Seungyoun will make sure he does. And even though his little crush is sometimes just in front of him, he won't make any advancements. Maybe not until this is over and he gets into the debut lineup.

**Author's Note:**

> This is very self-indulgent and will be long too and updated whenever I feel like it. It's like my prayer for them to meet again. Enjoy and all the love xo.


End file.
